Getting married the second time might be scary, especially after a failed marriage. But when two persons decide to work together, they can surpass any challenges. Another reason couples fear marrying a second time is that statistics show that second marriages have a worse success rate than first marriages.
Here is a list of the common risks of second marriages and some tips on overcoming them:
Challenge 1: Not Getting Over the Previous Marriage
Couples who learned to let go of their previous marriages live more peacefully than those who cannot let go of things in the past. These people fail to conquer their trust issues, which may negatively affect another relationship. As a result, they have too much emotional baggage preventing them from thoroughly enjoying their current relationship.
What You Can Do:
- Instead of boxing and ignoring your feelings, it is better to face them. Grieve if you have to. That is the only way you can let out all the emotions.
- Forgive your ex-partner and yourself too. It does not mean you are approving of the incident. Instead, you are just not letting the past control you anymore.
- Focus on making your next relationship work.
Challenge 2: Accepting What Went Wrong
Another challenging task for people in their second marriage is accepting the mistakes they made in their previous relationships. Most of the time, it is due to pride or unwillingness to accept the truth. Sometimes, it is also because of not being aware of the problem.
What You Can Do:
- If you want your second relationship to work, you need to learn from your past experiences and improve.
- Admit and list down the facts that you think negatively affected your relationship with your partner then. Then, commit to improving on them.
Doing so could give you a good chance of having a successful second marriage.
Challenge 3: The Issue of Having Children
Many kinds of problems come from this concern. Some couples have existing children that they need to bring into the second marriage. Others may have no children and want to have them, but their partner does not feel the same. Whichever situation, it would take time.
What You Can Do:
Children who get introduced to a “new parent” would take a while before fully accepting that their original parent got replaced with a new one. For a partner who does not want to have children, deciding again might require another long and thorough decision-making process. Regardless of what your situation is, give them time. Do not force things according to your desire.
Challenge 4: Money Problems
Whether in your first or second marriage, financial problems are not uncommon. Here are some suggestions on how you can finalise your issues regarding this.
What You Can Do:
- Talk to your partner and let them know of your concerns. It is only through discussion that you can find a solution that works for you two.
Last note…
A happy and successful marriage requires two people working together. Instead of wondering how long your second marriage will last, open up about the potential problems in the relationship and talk about them. Stay committed to making it work, and the rest will follow.
If you need the best marriage counsellors in Queensland, speak to one of our registered counsellors today at +61 7 3074 9544. We offer a free 15-minute call back so we can better assess your needs.
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