Fighting with your life partner is something every couple goes through. Disagreements and fights usually spring because partners came from different backgrounds and were raised in distinct ways. While occasional arguments may be expected (and even healthy) for a long-term relationship, many couples find themselves asking how much fighting is considered “too much”?

During the courtship stage until the honeymoon period, couples will seemingly be in perfect sync and rarely argue about anything. However, when they settle into the relationship, they become comfortable with the other person and show their many sides. Loving glances gradually turn into killer glares, and the fights become more frequent.

How Often Do Couples Fight? When Should You Be Concerned?

A loving and healthy relationship will have fights, but the positive should always outweigh the negative. When couples reach a point where they feel more drained and frustrated when they interact, they may start wondering if opting out of the relationship is a better choice. However, before going down that route, you should understand why you and your partner argue a lot. Looking into the root cause may help you understand your other half better.

Questions Couples Usually Ask When They Fight

1 – Is Fighting Normal?

Fighting is normal in the lives of a couple who is living together. After the initial butterflies fade away and people move in together, they get to see the “real” and unadulterated version of the person they supposedly fell in love with. Because you came from different backgrounds and had different opinions, you will be bound to get into arguments from time to time. Lover’s quarrels are actually healthy for a relationship.

2 – What Is Fair Fighting?

Fair fighting means looking at the situation from an objective point of view. Remember that the person you are arguing with is your partner, and you should always try to fight fair, even if they do not always agree with your opinion. You can always respect each other’s point of view without buying into it.

3 – Why Do We Argue When We’re Apart?

Sometimes, couples fight when they are physically away from one another because they feel anxious. Also, physical gestures and eye contact can help decrease the likelihood of fights. 

4 – If We Take a Break, How Long Should We Wait Until It’s Okay to Reopen the Subject?

There is no exact timeframe for this. However, it is a good practice to take a break if both partners are emotionally drained from arguing. Taking a few minutes to an hour before coming back to reopen the subject will help put things in perspective for both partners and help them have a more open-minded discussion. 

5 – Is Counselling the Right Thing for Us?

Sometimes, counselling may be the intervention that couples need to help put them back in sync with each other. If you feel that there is room to grow for both of you, you may be interested in getting relationship counselling to help mend your relationship.

Last note…

There are a plethora of reasons why couples fight. To get to the exact reason why an argument starts is impossible because many factors contribute to fights between couples. Most of the contributing factors include personal preferences, differences in upbringing and varying opinions. However, if couples can have a win-win situation by trying to navigate the conversation with a neutral mindset despite these differences, let’s just say the grass is getting watered to become greener.

If you think your relationship will benefit from couples therapy sessions, come to Halcon Counselling. We provide mental health counselling for individuals, couples and families via phone, video and in person. Book an appointment today!